i am having doubts. i hate this feeling.fuckla. we fought yet again. and i wasn't sad because i noe sooner or later i will leave him. i vowed not to give him anymore. but i couldnt. i couldnt seee him hungry and all alone at home. with a mother like dat. in the end, his still my Mr. and so i did, like i always did. it bothers me a lot now. by sunday, or i'll leave u you ok?

however, i was touched by what he said. he was like "one day, when you have found somebody better than me, and after you leave me, just remember, remember that what i have given you now, and what i have been with you now is the best that i can give, the best that i can be. U PAHAM TAK??" it touched me right in the heart, at an accurate spot. and after a long pause, he said "and i want you to know, meeting you once in my lifetime, to me is a gift. ok? remember that. U PAHAM TAK???"

I felt sad. because i noe that naz is not the kind of person who would display his emotions. he is the kind of guy who display his pretence and "i am bigger than the world" fierce attitude. and not let anyone bring him down. i felt sad, because, here i am, wanting to end the relationship, there he is trying to be his best for me. sometimes i feel mad, sometimes i feel like i cared. sometimes i feel sympathy, sometimes i feel not loved by. confusion. no words can describe the feeling i have now. the only song that fits is TORN, by Letoya luckket.

spoke to The Girl. funny how we always find ourselves in the same situation. and whenever we tell each other stuff, we end up not having the solution. because we both just dont noe wad to do LAH. i was touched yet again, when she told abt how i was in my previous years.She knew that i used to keep things to myself. i prefer not telling. i dun show my emotions. i dun tell my secrets. i pretend. and everytime that we apend some time with each other out, she will always do the talking, and nothing, nothing is about me. now i have changed, according to her. i have opened up. i just noe the reason why to dat. i used to not love my self. my imperfect being. my flaws. asking myself why this why that why am i not like her that typa thang. and now, no matter how fat i am, no matter how sial, i still love myself to the core. i heck what everybody think of me. thank you to Kak Lia and Kaizer. we spoke till abt dunnoe wad time. after saying our i love yous and dream of me, she turned in and i called Hodir. Taufiq was like "RABAK EH KAU!" yes. to think that i have a Mr. an then i'm still hving contacts with flower, and with another guy friend Hordir. i told you. i am so not used to this "i'm attached" thing. so we talked. accompanied him to do his rounds in the Division.

i tell her everything now. now, i am proud to say that 18 years living in this world, i, NOOR FARHANA BTE MOHD HASSAN , at last, found MY BEST FRIEND. cheers to you, BIATCH!

i am not feeling well. was superbedly head heavy at work. i just let all the OHFS pile up. everybody was sleeping in the office. Mr Chye, Taufiq, Edmund. and Mr. Ahmad was nowhere to be found. i was oblivious to my surroundings. i just thought of my bed at home. and the fan. it was so cold in the office. i am having flu and so i knock off from work very early at 6 am. saw ady, but what the hell. i was so dizzy-giddy. so i hecked him. aizat saw me. and i went out from the checkpoint, i saw abg mangkok.i just smiled my goodbye. saw najib mok at the bustop. he made me laugh out loud.

and ya. taufiq and dyla birthday. happy birthday u guys!!! bought fiqo a mini cake and durian puff from Pola, since he likes Durian. from me and edmund. had supper with ait and najib. pure bliss. friends. what more can i ask for.