i have been missing people lately. time spent no longer with them but with families. if i'm not at work, i'll be at home sleeping or with the family. i don't even have time to spare for myself lately. i think i miss

1. school
2. literature
3. the teachers
4. gagging in class
5. watching all these kaysiaow friends making a fool out of themselves
6. getting in trouble
7. copying homework
8. getting in the bus as early as 645 am
9. school assembly
10. pe
11. mr bernard
12. canteen food.
13. studying under the block with syaz, ib, dyla, and dan. but most of the tym with syaz only
14. lepakking at punggol with najib
15. going out with you girls
16. out with them gays
17. torn at the beach
18. sleepovers at shaie's
19. bbq pits
20. dyla, we always push each other in class and gag.
21. gossiping with nad also
22. studies with syaz, the gossips, the "between the both of us only" thingy
23. dan's unpredictable weather
24. sha's mondok face
25. shaie's "HEY BITCH"
26. outings with shaie
27. heart to heart talk with shaie
28. flower.because he's the only person who can make me laugh. his, "HONEY, I'M HORNY!" his "I kan boss!" his "B ASAL SUARE U MCM SETAN???!" his "U baru tan eh? u hitam? i choclate. i sweet." "i tdo tak pakai baju la b. tp sejuk. i ngn shorts je. i kan beach boy!" bleargh!
29. pecks of naz's lips on my forehead
30. kay's "u, i nk baring"
31. kak lia and kaizer. and baby tyfee
32. kak mady
33. LOLLY!!! MY EVIL TWIN!

seems that i'm missing everybody. everybody who has once been a part of me, and still am. despite them hurting me, i still do have some love for them seriously. because i am born with this "very concern for others" thingy, despite my looks and my tongue. i'd do anything and go to ends just to make these people happy. sometimes i let myself suffer and let myself growing in pains. sometimes these things make me regret making the decision that i made. but i noe life is full of regrets. because that will be the only time when i will learn from my mistakes and my own experiences. god has tested me time and time again. but i noe its just to test my faith for him. without you people, apart from my family, my life would be so boring, without all the shits some of you people put me through. i like to face this life with challenges. and am happy that this far, i am still a chin-high stark raving bitch. still am that person who walks confidently despite you peoples' critical remark of me or what i wear. still am that decisive, but sensitive lady who manage her life a day at a time. who will always do something you people think she won't when she get all that mental strain.

and this entry has no agenda to it, because i post this entry to remind myself of who i am because i have always known who i am. but now, i am wondering who i have become.

"patience at grief is a sign of real, fatal love, not male protestaion and her head down, it is just how secrets are just kept- to herself."

Labels: In Bitch Mode Today