I've succumbed myself to so much numb that i am not sure what to feel anymore. I don't know if i should sound happy or sad. I read her latest entry and it's on a lighter mode [or so i suppose] and she mentioned something about some getaway. This is one thing that you guys have been patiently waiting for. Without boy.

Truth be told, i miss you. At times when i shake myself a little bit, reminding myself that he possibility is close to none, i go depresed for a while, And then feeling okay another day and then numb, and then back to missing you the day after. Vicious cycle?

I hate to feel like this because i'll feel anxious. And when i have the anxiety attack i find myself taking too much deep breaths, resulting in having short breaths.

At times when i'm doing nothing, i keep thinking of those days we spent at Changi. And how i escape through my window in the wee hours. I'll smile to myself thinking "what could go wrong?" And then SNAP! Reality hits me. And then the vicious cycle begins.

I am feeling very perplexed and i hate to feel this way.

I wish i could kill reality.

And so today, i end school early and so Mohd Najib will date me out. Holland V babies! I'm going to wear that dress today. Najib will keep me happy for a while. That, i don't have to worry because he promised. Love you Najib.

Labels: Reality