Maybe that is why. That was my catalyst to quitting touch, apart from the anxiety issue that i have. I am not here to step kakak kakak ah But seriously i've grown out of it. Because why, friends come and go. It's your problem if you're against this. To be honest, i only have a few friends and lots of acquaintances. And sometimes, i don't even know who my friends are. It's sad. Because now i think that my friendship is being put to a test. Like i have read in a book, the title i forgot, "They shake your hand with their right, and stab you with their left." It makes so much sense, really. What's your take on that?

Right now most of my friends are involved with their boyfriends. there was this time when i was feeling so fucking alone without their company but guess what? I'm getting used to this. I have been independent since day 1. Even Najib can't bring himself to go town alone. Coming from someone like that eh. Yes i feel lonely. But not THAT lonely. My lonely now means something else, something like i have no one to talk to. Most times i don't know how to express them. Sometimes the right person is just too busy. And then you'd go " She has loads of better things to do than hear me out." And when she's there, all prepared to listen or lend you a shoulder, you'll think that expressing those issues you have is just a waste of time, a waste of your tears. You'll feel stupid for appearing so weak, so incapable. It is for me anyway.

Nowadays, i like to be with what i call "happy friends" Like how i don't want to talk to Najib now because he'll remind me that we are in the same phase and then i go all depressed and morose. I can't do that now. It's getting useless expressing. I wish to be with someone who takes my mind of a lot of things like Yana for example. And for those who feel they don't need me because they have somethings else then Fuck off i tell you. Because i don't need you either. I am fine on my own now. No i'm not saying that i don't need any friends. Omit my ego here. We all need friends. We all do. But if your "friend" feels that you're just a fly, you know, buzzing around your life then why bother? It's not cool like that.

I hope to be a better person. I learn from yesterday, and i don't say that i am matured enough because the circumstances i may have been in, may not have test the true meaning of maturity. like how can somebody say he's strong if he hasn't go through much shits? No?

Point is, friendship requires effort. like someone once told me, " Someone who goes thru anything and everyting with you. Who seems to continue on e last convo u had even though its been months since u last met. Who gives you what you need instead of what you want. Who accepts you for who you are and not what you have. Who loves you unconditionally and even be willing to end e friendship if its good for you." Well said. Cannot agree more.

This is friendship for you alright.