Off late, i go back to being the farhana i once was. Naik loktan for the smallest reasons. I am really not sure if it's an issue within self, or it's them. On average, humans only use 10% of their brains. But i on the other hand, barely use 5% and still have a lot in my mind. Ironic? Here's one more. I rest when i'm at work. Ironic gile babi nie. School, Work, Home, Homework. Penat? you bet. Stress? tak tau. Aku tak tau okay?

It's getting serious. I fire off at the tiny itsy bitsy thing. Like when the baby sis called me.

Kakak,...
APERLAH?
Boleh beli kan ar ar glue?
GLUE APE KAU NAK? RUMAH TAKDE GLUE PE?
takde. [suare da kecut]
KAKAK NOOR KAN ADE CARIK LA
takde tadi ar ar da cari. [in her softest voice]
AH GLUE APE KAU NAK
uhu.
GLUE LAIN TAK BOLEH PE NAK KENE UHU?
Yang watery2 tu boleh tak kak?
KAU YANG NAK PAKAI KAU TANYE AKU!!!!?!!!!!
okalya apape la.

and the other night, aku naik loktang just because i went home and found her using my laptop, chatting on msn messenger. Tak pathetic tu namenye? Nie benda serious, buat aku mcm sundal. Aku arse aku yang ketara because 1, aku memang penakut nye orang tapi act aje fierce. 2, pasal die suke masuk bilik aku. 3, pasal aku nie tak pandai bace ayat kursy [but i am memorising] 4, pasal maybe aku kacau tempat die time aku lari.

I always dread myself going home you know that? Like Walking home, i'll obviously look up to my house door. And i'll go like "Ahhhh fuck ah balik rumah sia." And then another night of dread. Everything painstakingly. Even taking a bath is a dread. It's tiring, bathing and trying to find some watchful eyes. Not any Tim Dick or Harry. Nie pontibaby. I'm getting tired of this already ah serious ah.

Untuk yang berkenaan, Tolonglah datang besok pagi.

The sound of door knob punctuates the stillness of the night. Be afraid, be very afraid.